why Christians are dumb
exsanguinate | issue 6.1 | winter spring 2001
I don't consider Christians to be any less intelligent than the members of any other religion. Of course I consider most members of other religions to be pretty stupid, so that gives you some idea of what I think about Christians. However, Christians should be singled out because they certainly are the most common of the vocal, obnoxious, religious types around. Hasidic Jews and Buddhists never knock on doors because they want to distribute cartoon pamphlets depicting happy people basking in the glory of their God's goodness. If Christianity is such a good product, why do they have to sell it door-to-door? Everyone knows that products sold door-to-door are second- rate when compared to the products that require getting off your ass and obtaining them elsewhere.
Making matters worse, anybody who doesn't rush out to become a Christian and accept Jesus is automatically condemned to hell no matter what their moral character is. George W. Bush, for example, had a heated argument with his mother because he believed that only Christians go to heaven. The argument prompted the two of them to call the Reverend Billy Graham who confirmed that only Christians go to heaven. I can't possibly think of a better way to bring new people on board to your way of thinking. If they can't be convinced to believe because of the merits, condemn them to hell and try to frighten them into it as a last resort.
So let's suppose for a minute that I haven't been frightened into Christianity but I happen to live by the ten commandments. I don't lie, steal, cheat, kill or commit adultry, etc. The only thing is, I do not want to be a Christian, I don't believe in God, and I think that Christianity is no different than Greek mythology. Do I still go to hell? The answer according to the Christian consensus is inevitably a big fat yes. In other words, even if you always behave like a good Christian but you don't believe in God or Jesus Christ, you are doomed to hell. Of course if you are a Christian who has committed violations against God, you can still accept Jesus after your crimes and go to heaven. What sense does that make? Apparently, the Christian God is just so unbearably vain and insecure that when good honest moral people don't believe in him, his feelings are so hurt he has no choice but to burn their flesh for eternity in hell. Fortunately for murderers, rapists and child molesters, if you chose to be born again and accept Jesus in your heart, the Christian God is very kind and loving.
Christians and their God could certainly learn a thing or two from a religious leader who wasn't quite as stupid. Buddha explained to others that human suffering was caused by earthly wants and hence suffering could only be ended by ridding the self of wants. Anybody who didn't agree with Buddha was allowed to do so without Buddha continuing to bother him. Buddha had the self control and wisdom not to push the matter any further. He didn't insist on knocking on the doors of those who disagreed with him to distribute little drawings he made of them suffering in hell for eternity. He didn't participate in the writing of a book in which he is depicted as a vengeful God who enjoyed smiting the wicked with his magical super-powers that could flood out the earth or cause global-wide pestilence. Buddha was wise enough to realize that anybody who could be enlightened would choose to do so on their own volition. Obviously, anybody who could not be enlightened was destined to be a Christian.